Aptitude for loss!

- OK, if I am told I am not entitled for something that everyone ...every damn one has. I thought I was making space for everyone to have it first...i could defer attainment....giving everyone side....but as i reach the counter...life has run of the stock. Its hard to comeback empty handed in hard sun.....invisible hand doesnt have anything for me. Can I erase the memory....can it really happen? in the daylight....conscious mind could be tamed...somewhat....but the loss surfaces in the dreams...it replays reaching the counter and hearing that there's nothing for me...over and over again...is this crack permanent.....no amount of anything...no amount of anything can rebuild....how do i come to terms to things...even in dreams...i dont need any reminders....each strand of me remembers it as it is. M i expected to run without petrol?

swimming head!

- 24th june. Sad day. Major failure. It seems i'm inadvertently specializing at the skill of losing gracefully. pun intened...for myself..who else? I even lied on bing asked whether i succeeded..i said 'i dont know' . i knew.

- Strange word- divorce. Total cut-off. is it really possible. Total cut-off. not in my view.

june time

-yet another very important day tomorrow. I dont know what to make of it all....'dont think of the result and plunge into it...'. Sai baba all should go well.....please, please, please.
- very trying weather...where r the rains???