-

Its sad that one has come and talk to a computer ..not talk ...just speak to a machine...cuz there's no one else.i feel short-changed with life.

Discotheque

Did i enjoy going to discs a few years back?? Hmmm, yes....partly cuz i liked dancing (if at all thats called a dance..some common moves) plus that blaring sound that hit the surroundings as hard as an object, and whats most amusing abt the place is that u cud dance in front of total strangers which can never ever happen in any other place (other than dance parties and suchlike) and the way u danced showed what kind of a person u are and what exactly u wanted at that particular time. May be its that place that people want the same thing - attention. What kind of attention is another topic. Dont think i i could enjoy music there or take a dip in a nice tune or hang-out with friends (cuz there's lot of confusion on this front, whose dancing with who, and why did they leave me with a stranger on a dance floor, every friend has got be near-by each other to make a secure circle, if not u end up barging out of the place in anger for having bad friends)nways....as those motivations first got diluted and eventually evaporated, with it evaporated the love of going to discs...bar was never my thing...chilled stuff messes up my throat plus all that screaming in the ears to get urself heard. Its all right, im ok with this change, which came way too soon but i still see my friends and really close people wearing their clingy dresses going to discos...what do they still find fascinating there??huddling up among fresh teenagers ...what do they seek is their business but what is surprising is that whether they still seek what they seek? or is it that im the odd one out...its not much to do with age but more with priorities and bent of mind...even when i went to discs, i knew i wouldnt continue for long....it was one big cartoon network there...who were we kidding and why? As i seek company of friends who still want to get lost in the same sounds/music/shor, running after the hollow empty but gift-wrapped idea...i am sure i'd like dodge out.

Disha-heen....direction less

For last many days feel completely direction-less, the cross roads that has been my address for last many years has brought on this seemingly permanent loss of magnet in the compass ...i have lost the vision, reference point, and even desire to be anywhere. where did i intend to go that i reached here...i know the theoretical answers ...im banking on sai baba to remind me ...its like an arrow losing its way in the mid way to its destination, a direction must be found soon as long as there's momentum lest this arrow will fall on the ground, im not far from ground in any case.....

anyways...

its a thought that makes round in the head...that despite being more honest and flexible and giving than most people i come in contact with.... i have a very limited circle....people just don't let u feel love in the air...it looks all artificial....the real concern is hard to find.

Giving in to the irony!

Now, i am sure at some level i have lost all rights to say or respond to anything including the right to explain why i think this way. I seem to send an image of being stoned, at my level i do things because clearly when things are getting done and nobody else is there to do them...there must be a doer such as me....wonder why certain things that should have been out there in ur face kinds didnt happen...that could have made the statement loud and clear ...that ok something is actually being done...just because personally don't like talking abt things for which efforts were made but they didnt exactly turn out the way as planned....they think nothing was done....im not justifying, they are right in thinking what they think, and i am right in thinking what i think. If i stay awake i would be hard pressed to react to the world's terseness, so i am snoring my life away!

the system.....

The best thing abt my blog is that i dont think any one reads it on purpose....its a sad thing at times but more often it is a happy thing cuz i dont feel as though im crying from the rooftop that 'hey, i too have opinions on things'....whats in an opinion anyways...they keep changing...hmmm....but not that often....'cause more often they keep getting updated rather than getting changed like 360 degrees. The trigger of writing this blog is the delhi rape case....not the first in history of india or delhi...and rapes are going on at full pace even after that incident. somebody from another religion recently said ' see, rapes are far less in our community because our women stay more modest, well-clad and for our men...its considered a sin ( he used a certain word that i cant remember now which meant anything that ur god did, u should do and anything that ur god didnt do, you shouldnt do). I heard this statement without a comment...because i needed time to process it and i never curtail people's opinions...as much as possible...reminding myself that each one of us has some kind of a truth to offer....so lets hear his version of truth..i tell myself....i like all versions of truth as they all contribute or chip-in to making one big fact...out there to be unraveled. Anyways, i thought abt the gross/rough statistic he offered of rapes being far less in his community and i thought 'yes, that's a fact'...i mean, at least in India...and yes, it may have a lot to do with the way one is programmed from a religious point of view. Having said that this programming has a lot to do with men's( read MALE'S)psyche than women....not that women who are raped day in and day out are skimpily dressed. Moreover how we dress is how we (women) like to do dress....it has very little to do with how we want men to behave with us ( except for d delicate teenage or may be early 20s or something. If we put on make-up or dress in a certain way is because we LIKE doing that....other wise we would stop putting on any make-up or buying any new clothes after we've turned 40 or something cause most women are married by then, with kids and are not 'LOOKING OUT' for any kind of a mis/adventure....even if she is...she knows how to keep her bubblings under and does reality checks on a regular basis. SO the dress factor is more or less ruled out. Second, the little babies and minors who are raped....i really dont know ...cant get it ever why something like that should ever happen....i guess, its frustration ( not having a proper job or education or esteem in the social spectrum) and inferiority complex ( that he would never be able to get himself a proper right-aged partner, so lets have whatever we might get)at its perverted best. Now this is what the religion could fix...but it really couldnt...though hinduism gives a strong statement of karma....it tells u straight...that if your action or even though is negative, be prepared to suffer not just in this birth but also the next.....and the next..... MOst definitely these less evolved people couldn't get it, were not educated abt it and simply couldnt handle the autonomy our religion provided them. Not everyone can handle the latitude and free hand their faiths bestow upon them. Could we change something in our religion to make it clearer to men....i guess not....the USP or the uniqueness of hinduism is in its autonomy...it clearly lays down the rules of the universe and leaves it upto u to choose from....it makes an assumption that everyone would know what is the right thing to do. i guess, i have all the time in the world to write on and on and on. Cause i do have a lot more to say.....isnt our a religion with maximum female goddesses....isnt it that women had to go out and work because men couldnt handle the expenditure part alone....we were taking care of our portfolios just the perfect way ...i.e. taking care of our homes and people in them...it was they who couldnt handle their portfolios....not their fault exactly as we had a fixed (job) profile...they had to run after something that would run away from them -prices going northwards...so the women relented and volunteered a helping hand outside...some of them got too worked-up taking care of way too many things and some of them got too smug abt their versatility or whatever that they saw as their plus points...completely missing the point that their uniqueness lies in lack of aggression. Our (women) positions have definitely notched up a great deal in contrast to men....except for their being men - a gender different than ours thats it, thats their speciality... other than this wut new or special do they have to offer...they could have offered us chivalry...but they themselves arent chivalrous these days...these urban mediocres and those rural stuck-ups. They have lost their esteems....thats the trade-off they or their ancestors did when they asked women to step-out and get money for the house. Some educated men have made peace with the idea and taken wise refuge into the idea of equality while others in the dark periphery are out there seething all ripped-off with no promise of a good present or future. they cant dream of having a right and rightful partner...so they have whoever they can....they blame it all on the liquor they consume...which makes it even clearer of their own cognizance of their own worthlessness....gulping in liquid courage. before i forget abt making a point abt religion....that yeah, some religions do seem to support women's pride more in certain ways but they hugely lack on other fronts while some religion might be some of the most flexible religions in the world but completely failed to provide adequate support to its women...or may be the message of respecting women ( half the population of this world) was cryptonised ( is there a word like that?) or coded to such an extent that the uneducated just couldnt get it....could it have helped had it been clearer in spelling things out? hypothetical thought. there are a few more thoughts but im tired now.... except for thinking to myself that perhaps things would get better if we are able to provide sense of worth to people...the population thats increasing 'just like that'is just not creating pressure on economy, infrastructure....its leashlessness is creating a huge pressure on the moral code of the society. bring some order in the society by creating order...not the 'order-order' order....but paying attention and bringing hope/worth to the people who dont know things....wut a sketchy remedy...!! may be id be clearer next time.

No equal footing

I cant say for sure what goes in all parts of the world...havent been there! but there's discrimination against women here ...certainly....most times subtle, othertime quite glaring. Killing female feticides, violence against them of all sorts hit us hard but diluting our identity or completely omitting it is a thing dat happens everyday.. You are not given a parking place as easily as a man might get, people meddle with ur property, you dont have a strong representation in policy making in domestic matters as well as professional. They take you lightly, and while they are taking you lightly, they are unaware that they are even discriminating and feel so great that atleast they are not killing you or hitting you or calling you names. The other day when was attending dinner at a couple's place, the husband was saying time and again to his wife 'dont talk like foolish'.Wondered what if she said the said same thing to him (which would have been right as well as he is always in a fowl mood, cranky and very negative overall) but she didnt ...and kept ignoring it. At a shopkeeper one day while buying things, saw another lady walk in and she was swanky looking and talking animatedly, took some stuff and pushed off. The shopkeeper and his helper boys shared a chuckle as if they silently shared a secret joke....why?? what was so odd in a good looking n a spirited woman...?? Weird men flock in his shop all day long...and no one talks abt them...wuts so funny in women that u disparage them?? Ofcourse there are some personal episodes where things have been taken lightly... Im not going to make noise...cuz i have tried sincerely to change things for the better...but the disrupters as usual thought that they could assert power not by facilitating good stuff to take place but by killing the right effort.ok. What will be the outcome of all of this? if usilence or demean the non-aggressors, harmless gender...they will suffer...they should suffer...will suffer.