Sunday, April 29, 2007

driving life in ur favorite gear!

Two realizations:
#We regret not taking chances more than taking them, its feels more rewarding to take on challenging situations than playing safe, all the time. Success in such matters makes for some good food for self-trust. We all need self-trust, more than we realize.
#It is a much better situation to win people while losing your favorite game than winning the game but losing your favorite people. No game's worth it. And it does take time before the thick fog of bungled belief is dehazed. If u can, then, count ur blessings.
As far as I can see, these words are not justed propounded, they are facts, they have vision, or atleast lead to it.... but i wont put on it, the seal of "TRIED AND TESTED" until actually tried and tested.

Monday, April 16, 2007

come to my window

While i get down the stairs.....i hear sounds outside each flat...exclusive sounds. 3rd floor...kid's crying or playing. 2nd floor...songs. first floor...TV on. When i mention these kind of sounds...i mean, only and only that kind of a sound. Its queer. So when the kids r playing or crying ...are they the only ones locked up inside their spaces making those sounds, there's gotta be some adult around, do they ever speak amongst themselves or their respective babies.? 2nd floor...an empty flat and a flat of three girls and a boy and their common mom and dad. So when they play the radio....do they stop talking, is like listening to news on radio during second world war?? first floor..a flat of whining woman and her physically challenged husband. the man looks normal but seems the woman sorrys herself way too much and has become mentally challenged. she just has to show her glimpse and drop some words out of her mouth to make me wish that the police should come and arrest her. in front lives an ideal family...whenever the door is left ajar...u see a sqeaky clean house...theres a girl..daughter of the house, well-groomed, not a looker...but having a lotta sense to carry herself....clean, soft-spoken, relevant mom and dad. but there's an eerie silence outside their house. why? i cant ever figure out.

for an hour every day in the evening...kids come out of their houses and hang around.teenager boys seem to play a very short-durationed cricket and girls below 12-13 actually play games. girls above this age look vulnerable, taking innumerable walks in the building's premises and throw themselves in way of the cricket playing crowd. but their sorry luck dont fetch them no guy. Some new lot of young tenants in the 9th and 10th wing...but soon after they moved in...they seemed to have found their respective muses, much to our pretty, young, restless girls' disappointment. I hope these girls get to explore outside the four walls of these premises. I wish them happiness, however they can get it. Strange, happiness is connected to small little things in that age. A day without some body's attention can make life not worth living.

There's a girl in the 11th wing, 3rd floor, she watches them all in the evening, from her balcony but doesnt go out herself. She looks handicapped but i've seen her walk. I think her brother doesnt allow her downstairs. she walks and talks like a young boy...like her older brother perhaps. May be her parents ask her to hero-worship her brother...brother looks dominant. She hung-around alot everywhere, a year or two back. she may have goofed-up a lil bit and its a detention she is living these days. who knows!

In the first and second wing live rich kids, ive heard their folks live outside india....they decidedly have a lot of air...each looks like Mr. Darcy from the pride and prejudice. Some very good looking girls too. I've heard they r trying to make it in bollywood as 'choreographers'. They did some flamingo act in ganesh utsav's programmes. i missed their rendition.

Behind our building r houses, i mean, bungalows. 2 little girls live there. They played with each other...they twittered like small birdies and kept asking their mommy n old nanny to play with them ' mummy aao na, khelo na, jeeji tum khelo na'...but thankfully, in their neighbours servant quarter, a boy of 4-5 year has moved in with his poor n pleasant looking parents. Boy looked awfully derooted somedays before till he accepted these girl's invitation to play with them. Their sounds fill up our noons these days. Its music to our ears. Atleast my ears

Sunday, April 15, 2007

oh god, oh god, oh god!

Absolute is never absolute...it could be more of something than less. havent exactly been happy ever without being sad at the same time. U buy an ice-cream, there are kids around asking for food... perhaps thats their begging technique, but man, it works. U lose 'it' which u build while planning to have a good time. I havent exactly been ever jealous of rich people, atleast not for myself, perhaps sometimes doing wishful thinking of giving good time to near n dear ones....but dont exactly bank on giving it them. Cause lets face it....have run out of steam, completely .....cant play high-stake gamble at the place im standing and im not getting any younger. Its n irreversible process, has some irrevocable implications....so as i was saying when i see swanky people, swanky cars, etc....i dont get off-balance. should street kids get off-balance seeing a financially mediocre person like me?.....no, i guess if atall they have to feel bad abt their situation, they have a reference point of richer people...kids would want to be like them...not like me.yup! they wouldnt want that. then, its time i stop feeling guilty of the average life-style i can afford. there's lot more to disentangle then this tinsy-winsy thingie...gotta reputation of a poor-choice maker and rightfully so . Indulging into self-flagellation more than warranted...constant weight of procrastinated decisions. Pendulum oscillating between self-sacrificing, timid situation and completely apathetic surrounding but liberating ...so sort self-aggrandizing in that way. Catch 22 situation, a deadlock. le papa, m'aident. vous restez un dieu proche,consultez-le. Je suis inquiété. Je suis devenu une grande déception. Ce devient très difficile.Je manque votre conseil. nous tous manque vous. j'ai besoin d'aide. svp.

Friday, April 13, 2007

local stuff...

i was completely stressed out some 15 minutes back, im kool now. things havent gone so bad. there's a lot of brownian motion of these freely suspended thoughts . yes, there is.

Anyways,wuts this whole thing abt a hindu and muslim marriage?? a couple from bhopal....dats wut im referring to.wuts this noise all about?? all the naysayers and noisemakers...are they just pretending to be this stupid or r they actually soft in the head?? dont they know the trend of this world?...dat whether u like it or not...things happen? May be u dont accept it right away...but then u accept it or simply not care abt it. Because things happen. Religion has a shelf-life....and no body...will be able to save their religion for long...cause all these faiths are flawed in one way or the other. U simply cant convince anyone that 'A particular' religion is the best...no, it isnt and no one is buying this primordial belief. There's going to be a singular world order and that too, just for the purpose of disciplining life...and when that happens, these very noise-makers and not the noise-makers but silent saviours are facing peril and then they will perish, for being roadblocks to this inevitability. Anyways, was wondering where r these people, these teachers n preachers when ur family is facing financial crunch...or somebody is ill...or cheated...or is lonely?....why do they spring up from no where in glamourous problems..! they go to such places uninvited. feel sorry for them....they are honest, tactless and lack foresight. its beneficial to be progressive, they should learn this sooner than later.

music

Im completely ok with being unimpressive, i sleep better.

hogi hume jo rehmat ada, dhoop kategi saaye tale,
apni khuda se hai yeh dua, manzil lagale humko gale
jurrat sau baar rahe,ooncha ikraar rahe,zinda har pyaar rahe......

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

odd is even, even is odd

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

random thoughts, as ever!

# i have met two people in recent past, people i like talking to...one more in particular, because this one's more peculiar, never hurtful, always contemplative yet not complicated to deal with on a day to day basis..yeah! so these people said that they arent enjoying anything that life has to offer to them, neither could they think of anything that could hold their interest for long. Identifiable.
# I am missing the little 'ting' in the house. How awefully crippling is affection! completely arrested and yet liberating.
# Time machines are not needed. Time's movin' so fast, its almost playing havoc. I vividly remember general innocence in society 20 years back. Lots of badminton, tree climbing, endlessly long evening walks, old Idgah...our favorite hang out, intact family....thats my childhood, along with talking to mongoose and calling him 'bhaiya' and several other things...lots of room for nature in our lives. I hope kids of today and tomorrow get to see what an exceptional beauty is this third rock from the sun is...our very own earth.