Battle it out

Couldnt sleep a few nights back, every time i closed my eyes and started a certain train of thoughts...images of a young and apparently very pretty and successful lady came barging in my head. This woman shares my birth number...and is sitting on top of the world today...im not used to feeling this way...ok, let me use the word, im not used to feeling small....but undoubtedly i was feeling somewhat the same. I have maintained my sense of equanimity at all times and no amount of good and bad indications that people have tried to leave me with in good and bad times, i have never lost sight of something unique in my being, which is the crux of my identity....something that keeps me content and unblaming whether my pocket and mailbox is full or empty. I recalled having read about maslows law where he spoke about the need for recognition besides other needs...something that you cant overlook. Where does this need originate? i seemed to have never watered its seed. It comes from the knowledge that you have or had the capability of being equally accomplished and so equally famous and equally sought after...and you missed your chance. Right? wrong. Not all good writers become authors, not all beautiful people become actors, not everyone with good voices become singers . A one industry cannot accommodate so many people. This woman is in glamour field. Many women are jealous of her unprecedented appeal. Why are they jealous and unhappy with actresses of today while they didn't feel an ounce of envy for actresses of yester years. That's because then the actresses had genuine talents in them, and so they were called 'artists'....and actresses today are just 'endowed' with physical attributes which befits them for the role, and thats why they just remain a label of being heroines. When one is out there on top just because of endowment, anyone who is endowed is pinched hard inside to achieve the same and there's a lot of bitterness inside them whereas talent never breeds resentment, it only inspires awe. Moreover, I am sad when I am in me...but when i see me from the top of the universe...im just a tiny blob which is there where it was meant to be.I must accept myself the way i am and must accept my role in this universe as it has orchestrated.
What's the use of the recognition of millions, when what matters to every individual is respect, recognition, love, attention of just one or just a few near n dear ones?....and whats the use of the recognition that's there to go and freeze itself in nostalgia?....what's the use of the recognition from those who have never been loyal in their loyalties? Agreed, its a high... that i was not meant for.